Butterbean's third birthday and yes, I'm eating a cupcake.
Morbid Obesity. When I was pregnant with my only child, the OB sent me to have special ultrasounds done in Baton Rouge. He told me it was because there was a slight possibility due to my age and some blood work that he had run that my baby may have a congenital defect. After determining that she didn't, the doctor kept sending me to have these ultrasounds every month or so. As a soon to by mom, I love seeing my baby all the time, but wondered why we needed to do this so often. On my final trip to Baton Rouge, I found out. Morbid Obesity was the reason they listed for the insurance company. Morbid? I never considered myself morbid. Sure, I was fat. I was 315 lbs, but still in my mind I wasn't MORBID. Isn’t it funny how the mind allows us to go on believing the little white lies that we tell ourselves?
Anyway, I joined Weight Watchers on March 26, 2009 weighing in at 310.8 lbs, five pounds less than when I was 9 months pregnant and 29 pounds less than my highest weight. I lost 5.2 lbs. my first week. WooHoo for Weight Watchers! I got my first gold star! Then I went home and plugged my weight into the weight tracker on their website. It scolded me. It said that I was losing weight too quickly and needed to slow down. Weight Watchers wants its members to lose no more than two pounds a week. It said that if I needed to know how to slow my weight loss I could talk to my leader. At 300+ pounds, I was pretty sure I knew how to slow down my weight loss. I was a master at not losing weight, so I didn't need some woman who lost 30 pounds several years ago to tell me to eat more and do less.
My next week, I lost 2.2 pounds. Woo Hoo again! Once again, the weight tracker scolded me and said I should not lose more than two pounds a week. The next week, I gained .8 pounds. Mr. Weight Tracker was like a kind mentor rather than a drill sergeant. "You gained a bit this week," it said. "Talk to your leader about how you can get back on track."
As frustrating as that first gain was, it is comforting to know that if it was a setback not failure in the eyes of the Weight Watcher's tracker. I was learning to take the numbers for what they were, just numbers. They wouldn't change who I was inside. They were just a measure of where I was right at that moment. No more, no less.