Monday, January 30, 2012

I'm not feeling much like a princess....

I'm too young for this! I got the fat gene, so that is enough burden for me to carry! This isn't what I had planned for my life! I hate doctors, being sick or tired! I work for a doctor that sells natural health products for people who have cancer, so I am immune! I have been trying to wrap my head around all this, so I'm just going to blog about it and let it all go.

Two weeks ago, I went to the doctor for my annual check-up. I am very consistent about those since I have PCOS and need a prescription for my Metformin and Prometrium. During the breast exam, she found a lump. She assured me that it was probably just a cyst, but to be sure she was going to have me do an ultrasound and mammogram. I have had a couple of mammograms since I turned 40. They are no big deal. When I left the office, I scheduled the mammo and ultrasound for the first available which was a week later.

I pretty much was sure by the time that I walked into the imaging center that this was a cyst and that since I started taking the Prometrium it was shrinking. This was going to be a worst, they will want to stick a needle in it to remove the best, it would go away on its own and life would go on. The mammo went as they normally do. Polite conversation between me and the tech. We talked about the fact that both of us had taken Clomid. Mine worked the first time, hers did not work at all.We talked about the weather. She finished up and sent me to wait for the ultrasound.

Do you see the cow jumping over a rock? 
Now I will confess, I am a total Google geek. If you want to know anything about anything, I can google it and find it for you, so I had googled breast cyst and watched a video of The Doctors where a woman with a cyst had an ultrasound and had a needle aspiration of the cyst. I knew what a cyst looked like. I knew what it was smooth and rounded. It was dark and solid. So, when I went in to have the ultrasound, I positioned myself so I could see the screen. I joked with the woman that this wasn't going to be as fun as a pregnancy ultrasound. We chatted a little and then I looked at the screen. Most ultrasounds that I have had, the tech never said anything about what she was seeing. They won't respond generally even if you ask. When I saw what looked like a cow jumping over a rock, I said, "That isn't fluid like a cyst, is it?" And she actually responded.... "No, it isn't." I said again, "That isn't a cyst?" "No" she replied and then told me that she was going to go let the doctor look at it and that he would come back and talk to me.

A few minutes pass and the doctor and tech come in to talk to me. He introduces himself and says that he has looked at my scans from today and from a year ago. He says that there was no indication of a problem a year ago, but now there is something there. He tells me that he is going to call my doctor and let her know and that she will probably set me up with a biopsy within the next week. They asked me if I was okay several times and if I had any questions. I asked them how big it was. I told them that God was in control of this, that He has a plan for me and that it would be okay. They gave me a file with my scans in it to take to the surgeon and told me that they hoped this all worked out for me. I got dressed and took my file and left. I text messaged my sister and told her, called my mom to see if she would watch my daughter when I had my biopsy. 

When my doctor called, she told me what the radiologist had already told me. She gave me the names and numbers of a couple of general surgeons and then said, "Good luck with all this." Good luck? Oy! 

My appointment with the surgeon is Friday, February 3rd, so I have a whole week to make myself crazy over all of this. Which I have done successfully! I have told a couple of friends and asked them to pray with me about it. Most say the exact same thing, "Oh, it is probably just a cyst! I get them all the time!" Then when I say that they ruled out it being a cyst. They sullen and agree to pray with me.

I don't know the future. I don't know what all this will mean, but I know that I am not going to go down without a fight. If this is cancer, I will do everything in my power to beat it. I don't care if it means losing a breast or my hair. What is important is that little girl in that picture. She is my only child and I love her more that words can express. While I know that a diagnosis will be hard on the adults in my family, they would move on, but that little girl needs a mother. I will fight for her.


  1. I read all of this with an "oh no" thought in the back of my mind... Until I read the last 2 sentences. You go girl!! You got this and God has your back! I will be in prayer for you, I know how hard it is to wait for answers and just form more questions. You said you are making yourself crazy, but you seem pretty sane to me! Keep up the good fight and know that we are all here for you!!!

  2. I will be praying for you! Lots of hugs and good thought headed your way, also!